We all been there or will be. There is no way I could solve my problem without admitting that alcohol has taken over me and my life. It was a scary thing to do because admitting meant that I will need to do something about it. At that point, I couldn’t even imagine myself not drinking. I tried comparing my drinking to other people, do anything to convince myself that my problem isn’t bad.
I’m never drinking again. Oh, look, alcohol!
During times after heavy drinking, I would make myself promises to never do it again. But then again I would end up drunk. I could never understand how my addiction worked. I thought I must be plain stupid because normal people don’t repeat same mistakes over again. I never took into account that addiction is complicated, it is not just never drinking again.
You bring the tequila, I’ll bring the bad decisions
I think that it is self-explanatory. Even though I mostly drank alone but I still got into a lot of trouble, like driving drunk, missing work, not getting simple tasks done. Of course, there are other things that I am too ashamed to talk about. Alcohol made me not care and be irresponsible not only to myself but to others.
This is the scary one, at least for me. Sometimes staying sober doesn’t happen right away. It takes one or even a few relapses. If you trying to become sober again I am amazed at your courage and persistence.
But I want it now
It is probably the hardest thing to deal with in early recovery. Identify our motives of instant gratification. I want to feel better, have more sober days then I do now. I can’t take boredom anymore… We have trained ourselves so well when it comes to instant rewards and escape.
Confusion about higher power
I am personally not a fan of alcoholics anonymous much, mostly due to confusion like that. What is your higher power? I am yet to find an answer to this. I don’t know but for me, mindfulness is a way to go when it comes to recovery although I keep on telling myself that I need to try working steps first to make a final decision if alcoholics anonymous works for me. (Yes, I know who’s the guy in the meme) Does it work for you?
I am not an alcoholic. I have one glass of wine a night and that’s it
This reminds me about my denial of increased quantities of alcohol I would consume. I would always compare myself to how much other people drink so I don’t have to feel bad about my drinking habit. My excuse was that I just can’t handle my liquor properly but I will eventually learn, just need more practice.