So while in rehab we had this overweight intern. She did processing group as well as ran a couple other groups for us. She was an addict herself, food addiction. I thought that we were supposed to be the broken ones there. She even read us the poem she created about addiction. How pathetic, I dont like when people go there. I always shy away, its faken awkward, but this time I was bored so I pushed a bit wondering how much can I make her like me, you know with all the stupid touchy feelings. She even shared her email with anyone who wanted, what an angel. She said she always cares and will no matter how far we slide down, I feel sorry if she ever gets to council any people because they just going to use her niceness as a free card to relapse and come back all crying to her. I told her that her poem made me feel loved besides other guys who where bsing there too. By the way, rehab is separated, there are men only floor as well women.
It was very interesting to observe her as she specifically brought up a subject about sex and relationships. She wanted attention from all the horny guys. They all had field trip going to uncensored xxx. Seeing her insecurities helped me to move towards not feeling as insane about my problems. Her question to the group was “what do the women want?” Answers were, sex, money, attention and blah blah. Being more specific she was pathetic beyond words. She tried to justify her relationship online, how it can work long distance. It was triggering for me that she was not capable admitting her true lows. She was pretending to be something who she is not. She will never be that cute girl, she is a failure. I do not mean to say it in the insulting way. As for me, I think I have this problem too, I will always be pathetic looser but I dont want to pretend anymore. Speaking truth is so freeing. I am starting to do that way more often especially now in basic outpatient program. While all the people try to pretend to be someone they are not I take a deep breath and expose myself for who I really am even if it just truthfully answering only one question without caring what others might think.
Moving on, she tried to downplay that sex is not important, I wonder why? Maybe she doesnt have a lot of admirers? Well as for me at least just because of my situation, I honestly wont pretend that x dont matter. I want to be honest with myself for once. I kept on wondering all that time what answer does she want, its fun playing and making her feel all nice. Horniness was flowing around openly by this time. I raised my hand. She said yeah? My answer was “women just want to be loved for who they are”. She made me to repeat that twice of course so everyone could “learn from me”. I know that at that moment I had her heart simply because I was able to see through her, through all her pathetic denial of who she will never be no matter how badly she wants. I was satisfied. It was probably one of the most fun events that happened to me at the rehab.
Ironically I was the one who made her feel loved not her stupid poem…