I guess I like to watch drug addiction movies now. I picked up this habit from my 30 days inpatient rehab stay. We used to do this shit because people would get sick of being in groups all day, every day. It is kind of therapeutic, as long as you don’t glorify drug use. I don’t anymore, drugs destroyed my fucking life and there is no glory in it for me, but you have to remember the nightmare to live the dream…

But, honestly there are some fuckin funny scenes in it.

It’s funny, but it goes to shit very fast just like with drugs in real life. What I learned in rehab is that all drug addicts have very similar character traits and things that happen to them. What differs is their drug of choice. This movie is pretty old, but it has all the things needed for a good story line: sex, drugs, chaos, death. I just didn’t like the ending. They made the ending happy, which is so untrue in real life. There is no happy ending once you stop using. That’s where you have to face all the bad stuff. Honestly, I’ve been sober for not that long and there are days when I question my sobriety. My life is still not rebuilt and I have to face my feelings every day and deal with them. My happy ending is not even in sight, I think that’s the reason why so many people relapse, cause they expect a happy ending but in reality, you just become a person who is no longer abusing substances. That’s all you get. There is no fucking reward, just a pile of shit in front of you.

This next clip is a perfect example of why it is worth quitting, though. It’s heartbreaking, and I don’t care what you use, but I have no doubt that you have experienced this in some kind of form. I am talking about those feelings you are about to feel watching this. It’s a pure form (in my opinion I think addiction is both disease and choice) of insanity when you go in circles and can’t stop using despite these horrific consequences. We’ve all been in this hopeless situation, that’s why I think that addicts who are in recovery are adamant and individual people even though they are totally fucking ups (I am talking only about me).

It’s a good movie to watch for therapeutic reasons as long as you know how to deal with your cravings and urges in case you get triggered. Even though it’s not my drug of choice, there are still scenes that remind me of me while I was drinking, especially that scene where he’s laying in bed not knowing when his withdrawals will start. It’s a scary thing to deal with, especially the next day after drinking when you have to go to work, and you don’t know how things will work out. How bad will it be this time? How are you going to hide it and get through the day? My every day used to be just a shitload of paranoia, and the nights full of rewards

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