I know that there is a lot of clapping. Coffee served and there is no moment that god is not mentioned. My first meeting was very odd. A lot of hugs. I was just sitting there listening to the people sharing their stories and fake laugh just got to me. It was not funny but if you in aa you have to pretend that it is and laugh together. People in aa love non believers because they can push their agenda of god. There was a time when I went to a small meeting and they specifically picked the topic about god. We all had to talk and when I kind of passed because I was still feeling insane about myself this guy who was sitting across the table started poking me with his leg and smiling at me creepy, I must say I never went back to that meeting again….
It is people in aa that came up with the term “dry drunk”. No sir, if I will be called drunk I will definitely not miss the opportunity to be actually drunk.
In aa you have to be chosen to receive a miracle of “spiritual awakening”. I wonder just how many people fake theirs? and the ones who been blessed by god talk about it all the time. They are so proud about it. Someone like me has to look up to them like they are chosen ones. I have to follow them because they are my only chance to stay sober.
I am a listener so I have noticed that there are limits to what you can say, you always have to reference it to the bible, I mean big book which has to be explained to you because its not for you to understand whats been written. There are secret meanings between words and sentences in there.
I just sit there and listen to the same patterns and combinations of words. It is all the same, repeated all over and over again with different combinations. I remember this one instance where I felt this women wanting to convert me. She tried so hard to convince me how great is god. I felt her effort through the sentences she was saying…
The most fascinating thing about aa is that people will nod their heads, some of them even close their eyes like the words that are being spoken at the meeting have some kind of magic power.
When time comes to share, thats where the race starts, who can say something better, deeper and profound. Everyone wants to be special and acquire followers. It is interesting to watch people who cant stop spitting out the same word combinations. I always wonder do they even know what they are trying to say? Some of them even go over time limit. I wonder why there needs to be a time limit? Do big egos have anything to do with it? I always silently laugh when other members get mad at people who speak too long.
Sponsors. They are hungry. There are more sponsors in alcoholics anonymous then sponsees. Old timers want to continue preaching, they need someone to listen about their miracles, they want you to make them feel special. How did you stayed sober for this long?. They want to be seduced by you, it makes them happy when you tell them you want to pick their brain.. If you ever get a sponsor he or she will want to be praised by you and if you stay sober for a long time it is because of your sponsor. They are the reason why you are sober, they own your sobriety and you better do what you are told. It is because of them that you are sober. The codependency at its highest level here.